Everybody knows that geese are evil.
Right?
They're always chasing and honking at you when you go to the park.
Or walking at the lake.
Demanding tribute before they will let you pass. Like I experienced this weekend.
Geese are even portrayed as evil troublemakers in video games, like the "Untitled Goose Game"
So I thought "with all these assumptions and how much trouble they cause they must have done some pretty bad things, right?"
Well that's been harder to find than I thought it would be.
Geese are very territorial and may attack you if you get too close to their family or nest.
These attacks haven't directly killed people though. There was one woman, Vanessa Harrison, who had a heart attack as a result of a goose soaring right in front of her from the surprise according to Mirror.
So unless someone wanted to try and get enough geese to fly into your hair and nibble you to the point of bruising and annoyance, there aren't many practical conspiracy applications for geese.
Though the government did try of course.
According to Military.com, In 1986, the U.S. military realized the potential for "guard geese" at its European Air Defense installations.
The biggest selling point is that geese tend to stay close to their nesting area and can recognize other creatures (like humans, especially those in uniforms) as being safe members of their own flock. They have keen hearing and great eyesight. Their vision can also see finer detail, as well as ultraviolet. These senses evolved to spot predators, and geese can also control each eye separately. Plus stay alert while they sleep since they sleep with their eyes open AND leave half their brain turned on somehow?
The military placed 900 of the birds at strategic locations across Europe.
The service ended up dispatching 30 goose platoons of six to 40 birds each to locations across Western Europe. Not only were the geese as effective as guard dogs, they were much cheaper and required no feeding or veterinary maintenance. No goose-related incidents came from the effort, but it was considered an effective force against any Soviet infiltrator.
Prior to the use of geese by the US, their benefits were discovered by the Romans at Capitoline Hill. One night, the Gauls attempted to sneak up on the Roman guards under the cover of darkness, but they made the mistake of assaulting near the Temple of Juno. The Gauls disturbed the geese and the obnoxious honking and fluttering of the geese awakened the Romans, who quickly repulsed the invaders. For their assistance, geese were elevated to divine status (Like the great blue heron we discovered before?!) and given a home in the temple.
So the only application by the government so far for geese has been sentry guards. No mind control or spy geese yet. Though if they're that territorial, aggressive, can sleep with half their brain on and eyes open I wouldn't be surprised if a government "supergoose" isn't being cooked up to guard areas like the White House or the next Area 51. Remember the squirrel robots they're trying to build??
Until next time dear readers, be safe out there and we will continue to uncover the truth.
I am Snickers.
I am Truth.
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